God, Water is Gross (And One Short)

May as well post the short little bit Steven came up with yesterday first:

GUY: God, you're sexy when you eat pizza.

(Camera shows who he's talking to; whoever it is, their face is covered with sauce. It's sick. That's the punch, too. That's like, two seconds. But it's two seconds of mediocrity; a level of mediocrity that we probably have not hit before this moment, as we were sailing well below the bar. This just sets it mildly higher.)

ALSO: We have the Pat inspired bit where someone literally dying of thirst (my suggestion is that they were locked in a closet somehow and no one heard them yelling for help) and then, in a desperate tone, begging for soda. Or money, or both. Because they think water is gross. We barely have to make up dialogue for that because Pat literally said some of the jokes that you guys came up with. We can just steal all that, or even just improvise the middle bit; it's not hard.

It needs a punch, though. I was thinking the person who refuses to get them a soda actually has one, but doesn't want to let them know... maybe it's an advertisement? If we can create a punchline worthy last couple of seconds (the VO of the commercial), it could work. Unfortunately, the best punch I came up with is super racist, and we have to ask some of our Semetic friends if it's cool:

JEW BRAND SODA: Don't ever give anything to anyone.

Less racist, but more hokey, is:

RICK ASTLEY BRAND: Never gonna give it up.

I don't know. It could work, but if anyone has other suggestions, there's certainly a lot of potential in the whole middle portion of this. It just needs an end. (Writing ends is really hard.)

Also, didn't you have some other idea? You may as well post it. I'm getting lonely, posting here all alone.